Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and far out at sea
Our vessel was sailing, as smooth as could be

The stockings were hung from the balcony chairs
With hope that St. Nicholas would find them out there

The children were nestled all snug in their uppers
Having just settled down from a Christmas Eve supper

And ma and myself, we were covered in aloe
A bit too much sun, in a pool, warm and shallow

When up in the sky, there arose such a clatter
I leapt from my bed to see what was the matter

To the sliding glass door, I flew like a flash
Well, more like a saunter, and less like a dash

And what to my skeptical eyes should appear
But a great shiny sleigh, and eight flying reindeer

They circled our ship, from starboard to port
As the moon lit the driver, a jolly old sort

Who called to his team, in a happy retort
"Now Dasher, now Dancer," so on and so forth

We raced through our cabin and into the hall
To the very top deck, in time for us all

To be awed by the sight of Old Santa's sleigh
As he lightly touched down, by the midnight buffet

With a bundle of goodies thrown over his back
He rose in the air and dropped down the smokestack

Santa went straight to work, and later we learned
He found every child's cabin, from the bow to the stern

Insides and oceanviews, balconies and suites
Santa filled every stocking, with toys and with treats

Until all his deliveries had been handled with care
Then he noted he still had a minute to spare

So he surfed the wave rider, with nary a fall
While Dasher and Dancer scaled the rock-climbing wall

And Prancer, who had always been fond of the cold
Tried the ice-skating rink, a sight to behold

And then with a whistle, Santa summoned his team
And he bade us farewell, silent nights and sweet dreams

And I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of view
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good cruise.

~Lifted~

Momma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

What happens when a deer jumps on the hood of an SC430?

Momma got run over by a REINDEER!!

Throw in Barnett's Body Shop and you get a bunch of ELVES who cannot tell the difference in up and down. Seriously, why would you try to put an aftermarket part on such car?!

SANTA was supposed to give the thing back yesterday; too bad his elves just couldn't get it together this year.

That's ok. In the mean time, well for the last 3 weeks, one family is putting "usual" wear and tear on a rental, some Cadillac suv they don't like. It's quite comical riding 'round in the Caddy.

As a passenger trying to move the seat back, someone realized the seat was not a power seat. Come on!! I'm guessing this is a pretty expensive car, and why would you make it without a power passenger seat? The bratty remark was, "UGH, no power seat!" To which the driver replied, "Cheap thing." This is what opened the whole can of worms!!

A usual cold blooded person on the way to the grocery store went further to look for the "butt warmers", more typically known as the seat warmer at which time she could not find them and remarked so. The disappointment continued... "Cheap thing!!" It doesn't even have a digital clock!! Who wants to try to figure out what time it is looking at a round one? Some people have to count the numbers to know what it says. Can't that be quite dangerous while driving?!

At some point all cars need gas, no joke. How many women does it take to put gas in a Caddy? How long should one be required to look for the gas cover release button inside a car? Normally they just have a little gas pump on them to let people know what it is. Oh, no, not this sub-standard. "But it doesn't have a lock on it." "Should we just wait for the gas light to come on?" "At this rate it may not have one." Who would've thought that you just push it like a cd player and it magically pops open? Come on! What kind of safety feacher is that? Blond proof, not criminal proof...

"It's a rental, we'll park by the buggy thing." And in the Target parking lot and unable to find one's rental: "How can you steal a rental?" "The same way you'd steal a normal car!"

All these things and who would think about eggs?! Really, is the price of eggs worth the wear and tear on a chicken's butt?

Tired!!?? Why!!??

Has anyone ever told you, "You look Tired!"?

What did you say? Thanks?!

This is one of my favorite comments, from the peanut gallery. Why would someone say this, to make a statement, ask a question, or just generally prod into one's life about something which is none of his, or more frequently her, business? What leads one to ask this?

1. Target is wearing glasses today.

2. Target paired blue jeans with a t-shirt and a pony tail.

3. Target is drinking coffee, or the insane alternate, Red Bull.

4. Target ran in the door with 5 minutes to spare.

5. Target is just not speaking to initiator today!!

What are some of the reasons exhibit A, Target, would appear tired today? Keep in mind these sometimes have absolutely nothing to do with the reason why initiator would make a target out of Exhibit A.

1. Exhibit A just got hip, new glasses and would like to rest her eyes from countless hours of suffocation in contact lenses.

2. Exhibit A did not feel like putting together a cute outfit to wear to, um, class, much less the grocery store and bank errands!

3. Exhibit A was cold this morning so she decided to heat up some coffee/tea, or look cool and pay attention with a contemporary Red Bull can, sugar-free no less.

4. Exhibit A always runs in the door with 5 minutes to spare because she does not like to converse with classmates or be confronted by co-workers about taking out the dang trash. Plus she is drinking an energy drink, so of course she is running!!

5. Exhibit A does not feel like putting on a foux front in the presence of a loony blond today!!

One response from the target could simply be, "Yeah, I am, SO....!!!" Or make a conversation out of it to get a little much needed attention, "Why do you ask?" However, I am going to start answering with one of my notorious smart head remarks, and see how the perpetrator responds. My first encounters my go something like this:

a. "I went running this morning at 6am, and you?"

b. "The Vogue editor woke me up awfully early."

c. "I kept telling Ashton Kutcher I wouldn't go on a midnight motorcycle ride with him, but he wouldn't take no for an answer!"

d. "Martha Stewart says she sleeps only five hours, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her beat me in that department too!"

e. "My boyfriend kept me up all night long. We needed some time together though!"

f. "I missed my weekly spa appointment, because I, ahhh, overslept."

I may be flying on the wings of Red Bull, but no, I'm not going to fake 8 hours of sleep with extra make-up, a slinky dress or a cucumber spa treatment. Know that blue jeans and t-shirts are a staple as well as a hot pair of glasses to enhance intelligence! If I appear ditsy today, it's just because I'm tired, who cares why! Tired eyes aren't always lonely stars; they can be sexy, sultry, or just plain cute.

Maslow Was Wrong

I don't believe Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is 100% correct. There are always exceptions to the rule and Maslow does not allow for any exceptions. Some peoples' hierarchy may be skewed, like beef on the grill.

This first occurred to me when Will and I were having one of our normal discussions. I disagreed with him at first. However, with further evaluation, I realized the philosophical content had more to do with complex, psychological processes and less to do with primary, basic needs. Just as growth and development of the individual over a lifespan occurs at different intervals, so Maslow's needs may be met at adjuncting times.

The first example would be misplacement of Love and Belongingness. The individual in the quarter life crisis often experiences this. The young adult faces intimacy vs. isolation in Erikson's Psychosocial Development and would not choose the life of a hermit willingly. At some point the desire for affection, friendship, and partnership outweighs the need for safety and security. One would find all stability, protection, security and freedom from fear and anxiety in a mate. If one cannot provide his or her own safety and security, he or she would rely on another to provide it. At this stage, one cannot feel stable, protected (cared for), or calm without the presence of a mate or potential mate. One may think this is most common in females. On the contrary, males know they can never reach comfort without a female's presence, and hence forth are caused much anxiety and fear because their second "basic need" is Love and Belongingness, not safety and security. These masculine creatures were probably brought us with much love and affection from their feminine decision maker, and therefore find their security in the female's acceptance.

They aren't the only ones deviating from Maslow's Hierarchy. Lots of people put Esteem before Love and Belongingness. These people want to find self-respect, self-confidence, and feelings of self worth before they venture off to find their careers, hobbies, and being single. If another all mighty philosophy, God, was thrown into the mix, these people could argue that they find their Love and Belongingness in Him. Others just cannot get over their own vain, conceited, ways of the world. Work-a-holics often get wrapped up in promotions and bursting through the glass ceiling that they often cannot see past their work or themselves.

Whether the view from the bottom is straight up or a steady uphill climb, few ever reach the top of the peek at Self-actualization. No matter the order in which people place their basic needs, the climb up the mountain is definitely a rocky road. For the trail blazers who try to take a helicopter to the top, it can be lonely once they reach actualization. Who is to say anyone has even made it to the viewpoint? Only one Almighty can judge whether or not someone has reach his or her full use of individual talents.

Monologue PART I

SK, MY SPORTS FRIEND

We practice exercising our mouths and sprinting in our heels. Our upper body workouts consist of football signs and fixing our hair; lower body moves, we'll let the men take care of that necessity. we are the quarterbacks of the team, the smart ones. this blond and this brunette think hard about plays, X's and O's, but fashion and style are what we're best at. Their coaches would say "men" is their specialty; they never forget that ineligible receiver downfield. He is a stalker and cannot take NO for an answer. Her appendix hurts, but she is still sporting that Mistletoe shirt. They both like to read, so why does everyone think they are so ditsy? Their relationship woes can be solved over a martini at Julip. did anyone say stapler, trash bag, or curling ribbon? Don't buy that new purse line!! It's ours, and we get a discount. Does anyone know anything about soccer? We must, we must, we must increase our bust. Did you hear about Jacqui? My monogrammed bag was supposed to be back last week. No, we don't sell Webkinz!! The bathroom is upstairs, our is OUT OF ORDER. Maybe you should look at the map right outside our door... For the LAST TIME...

Forget Gatorade. This team runs on sugar-free Redbull and Starbucks. I can't wrap that now!; my coffee is still hot. One internet junkie and one technologically challenged; these girls don't like generic. Cotton, it comes from the ground? I thought it was a boutique. PEACE. It sells out fast. the money is locked in the cabinet that is for files. Now we keep it by the toilet. We don't have those in any other letters. You said Debit, Lady!; put your pin in. I haven't gotten commission since August. She's not here today. We need a donation for our super, special, charity benefit for the Rectum Foundation and the Chimpanzee Animal Farm. Do you still have...? No, we sold out last year. Will you be getting anymore of these thingies in? They are always on back order. You still haven't picked up your graduation gift. When will it go to 75% off? There is NO gift wrapping and NO returns on sale items. I won't ever let my kid wear squeaky shoes. Umm, your child just ran out the door; you can't eat that sweetie. Where do all the Sharpies go? Ginger said, Ginger said, Ginger said... Where is Ginger? Yesterday she was baking, today she is sewing. You fell off the ladder!! I couldn't reach the top lock. Maintenance was supposed to come by.

Plumber, I'm glad you're finally working, but I don't want to see your crack. Who said crack? No I'm not. Somebody parked in my spot. Do you have any of these in the back? I can't stand up all day; bring me that orange stool; Ginger is coming! Use this cutsie hanger. That's an Ugly Doll!! You're right, we just got a new shipment. "Teens, Tween and Drama Queens." Does it sound like we have anything for boys? The charms are five dollars each. The radio isn't working and my iPod is in my car. I'll be back. She didn't take out the trash? No girl, but she looks like trash.

Freaky, your cell phone just jumped off the counter. It's my vibrator silly; I don't want my clients to hear it. UPS already came today. They ask me my last name every stinkin' day. It's a bath gem; you put it in the bath tub. I need a MomAgenda; can you order me a blue and silver floral one. It's November dumby, where were you the last ten months? I need two phone numbers, your drivers licence number and date of birth. I only have one phone number, and I can't remember it. My kid goes to that school that starts with a J and ends with an A. They don't have lockers there, but is this all the magnets you have? Jingle coins, jingle coins, jingle coins rock. Roll these up please. How long is 16 inches? Maggie is dancing today. You don't put that in the money bag.

We are a tag team. Offsides!! The speakers aren't working. I don't think there are any speakers. It's a touch screen; you don't have to use the mouse. But I have a gift certificate to pay for it. Also, can I buy a gift certificate for $20; my daughter has a tennis party to go to today. She is the best one on the team, and my son... They must be special kids, short bus special. Call me whenever he texts you, emails you or calls you. I want to meat tall, dark and handsome. It is a team effort. I need your help on make-up; see you on the field.

May the best man, err, woman, WIN!

Heads. Tails.

What Highland Village should look like!!!

Wine and Cheese

Monday Night I went to a wine tasting with mother and some of her friends at Two Rivers in Canton. It was really nice. The wines (ones that I tried until I got stuck on one in particular) were good, and the cheese was really just as good as the wine. Well, I was extremely hungry too. I loved trying all the fine cheeses. The white wines aren't my favorite, and I only really tried two red wines. I got stuck on the

pinot noir of course, my favorite, or it got stuck on me. They gave generous portions and as many refills as you could drink. Mother is such a light weight; she was feeling good by the time I got there. The wines went by number. You ask for number one, then two, all the way through five. We wanted to eat afterwards, so we could all drive. haha There were no tables to be had in the house, but Bradley pulled some strings and got us the corner booth at the bar, perfect for the six of us. It was my first time to eat there, but the food was fabulous. It was a great beginning to the week, and a night of fun for all.

Nursing School

Everyone wants to know about nursing school, so here goes. I have orientation on the 12th from 11:30 to 3:30, and my first day of class is the 18th. All my books I ordered off the internet are here as well as my uniforms and stethoscope. My "bookbag" came from Gingersnaps!! of course. I'll be the hip student with the Toss bag and cute notebooks. You have to do something to keep it fun and interesting. The Jansport/NorthFace backpack thing is just not me. I still plan on taking lots of weekend trips!! Hello Ole Miss football... so, I do not know quite what to expect. After getting my first bachelors' degree barely opening a book, I hear it's supposed to be very different here, we'll see. SO I'M NOT GOING TO UMC, big whoop. With a previous bachelors' degree, I will be making more than the average grad in my class. If I decide to make this a career, I will definately go on to get my masters as a nurse practitioner. However, being a nurse is not really my personality type, so we'll see how this even works out. My criminal background check finally came back. Supposedly I was a convicted felon, or somebody was. So the fingerprinting people aren't the brightest in the box.

I will continue to teach swim lessons at St. Dominic, as I really enjoy the kids (and the money). It makes me happy to teach people what I know to better their lives, but don't ever think I'll be a school teacher. I like the people I work with, and I get to work out up there too...with the doctors. haha well, I am excited about starting school. It will give my life a little more meaning besides figuring out which days it will be sunny, so I can lay out, or working at Gingersnaps for eight bucks an hour. My year and a half of goofing off and figuring out how to goof off next is coming to an end; it needed to. It's time for this life to have a little more meaning and challenges laid ahead...

ANWR

What do you think of when you think of a national wildlife refuge?

Yeah, that's exactly what I think of too!!

MY SUV LOVES IRAQI OIL!!

WHY?

BECAUSE AMERICA WON'T DRILL!! MY SUV DOESN'T HAVE A CHOICE!!

I almost hit a dear on the way home. Why the heck do all these people want to save the freaking caribou?? Check out the caribou in the "national wildlife refuge" politics don't want to drill...

The ban on drilling in ANWR is such a political hoax. I don't want to drive a hybrid car on bicycle wheels or put ugly solar panels on the top of my house. So why don't they grow corn in ANWR so the caribou can eat and we can drive ethanol cars? Canada and Cuba are drilling where our political 'heros' won't.
I'm paying $4/gallon for gas, so the polar bears can live like this....
But please, RECYCLE!!! I don't want to live in everyone else's land fill!!
And.....our 'good ole boys' need to trade in their motor oil for cowboy hats and bull ropes..... yeah right.

DRILL BABY DRILL!!!

Shock N Awe Softball 2008 Season

So the season started off a little rough..... to say the least, but it was no easy task. Ok, Ok, I admit my favorite part was socializing after the games and cheering from the bench, but hey, I was a fastpitch player. The first picture was after our first win!!! There were only four teams in the league, and we were the only one completely consisting of, well, crackers. We didn't exactly play in Liberty Park, in fact you probably would not want to get caught there alone after dark, in fear of being offered some malt beer. My position, random out fielder/bench warmer, was totally a nececity, let me tell you. I think I let as many past me as I stopped. Dad would not be proud!!, and those hits, yeah I hope nobody taped those. What exactly does a strike look like in slow pitch. The one thing I never googled, gasp, slow pitch softball rules. All leagues enforce different rules or let certain rules slide. The Madison Baptist Church league does not really enforce many rules, but it's way more, way more up tight. There's NO drinking after those games...... Anyways we had a great time game in and game out, win or lose, because that's the caliber of people on the Shock N Awe. We even took a picture with the second place trophy!! Thank you Will for asking me to play and introducing me to these fun people!! Next, we will be playing kickball on Wednesdays!! Is there a benchwarmer position in that sport?

Happy Birthday America!!!

July 4th was kind of unplanned. I was supposed to go to the lake house, but didn't really feel like going. So, Bradley and I went out to the country, and I mean the boon docks. Kristen and I were the only girls that actually came dressed for the occasion. The other blonde, southern girls were in dresses sipping martinis on the pier. Now, there's a time and a place for all things, think Julip on a regular basis. The boys found it amusing to slip and slide into the lake. It was the longest, soapiest, widest, country, slip-n-slide I've ever seen. I didn't partake in the activities, probably because I was way too sober. When Michael and Kristen arrived, it was on to the 4-wheeler riding. I've never seen so many of these things in one place at one time. It seemed like there were about 20 of them, like it's the cool thing to have.... So it was only my second time actually driving one of these things; I moved up from a piece of flair on the back thanks to Drew teaching me. I'm a city girl!! Bradley's used to these things. By the time we went, I actually knew what a deer stand was.... even though they look like tree houses!!!.... they are sometimes used for other purposes, like sitting in for hours on end looking for that big one....We found some trails, got lost, got dirty and made it back to the lake, finally. It was awesome!!!, but there comes a time in a city girls' life when she needs a shower!! Poor Kristen had to stay longer than I did with all the mosquitoes. The mayor of Ridgeland gave Bradley some VIP passes to the Balloon Races for us to use!!! We weren't really planning on going, but we got hungry.... It was a lot cooler than I thought it would be. So we got there pretty late. There is such a thing as fashionably late you know..... However, we saw all the important things: one balloon glow, the main singer (I forgot his name), and some good ole festival grub. It was a great end to a great day watching fire works light up the sky. The VIP parking was the best too!! We were out before everyone else and home packing for the lake the next day!!

It couldn't get any better!! A great July 4th at home with friends, then off to the lake for a relaxing weekend with family. Yeah, it's boring at the lake sometimes, but July 4th is when the lake comes to life.... The flotilla boat parade was hilarious as always. There were a few boats that stood out in particular..... the wagon with horses playing "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" totally should have won. There were a couple war ships with people shooting stuff like mardi gras beads, and the unforgettable tiki bar boat. It lost some poles later in the day that got caught in our engine, so we were none too happy about that. Mac and Lexi (the dogs) went on every boat ride with us.... They love the wind blowing on them. Lexi likes to drive with me every now and then, maybe she can see better. So, we almost ran out of gas one time, but I made it just in time to the pump. Mac and Lexi were glad they didn't have to swim back to the boathouse...
Our last night, Daddy treated us to the Duck's Nest. They have the best catfish in MS in my opinion!! It is soooo my favorite!! We had an awesome table by the water!! I gave Daddy his birthday and father's day present, a leather jacket for his next big venture into motorcycles, and a symbol for his red corvette with a paw paw license plate. haha We made it back to get ready for the big work week ahead (3 day work week for me)!! Somebody's gotta do it!!

Bahamas Introduction - June 13

Queenie, the famous taxi driver, picked me up from the airport and took me around to run some of her errands. Drew sent her to get me, and she was on time and awesome. We saw some of her friends, went to the post office, and she introduced me to coconut water. I haven't found any in the states, and Sarah was mad. One of Hemmingway's drinks at Sloppy Joe's was made with coconut water, and she hasn't had it before. If I'd only known exactly what I was drinking..... Anyway, Queenie was hilarious as was the entire day and night. At some point in the day, a random old timey ship came in the channel. It looked just like it's name said, "Ghost Ship". We couldn't figure out if it had been pulled up from the bottom of the ocean or been used to commit some murder scene. It was just what I pictured when thinking about Bahamian ships. It was actually just used in a movie. Not long after that, the intern, appropriately named, Shitern, took 3 tries to splice a rope. He only figured it out after some help from the Ole Miss graduates, Drew and I. What are they teaching kids these days. It really wasn't that difficult. After some relaxing reading and recouping time in the hammock at the Gunk Hole in the backyard, it was off to an awesome night with Drew and the gang.
Grayson gave us all a round of laughs before we went out. Too bad the only two girls in the house didn't have a blow dryer. Who needs one of those? I don't even own a straightener. He thinks the heat gun off the boat will serve as a perfect blow dryer, and since he has long arms it shouldn't fry his hair. Well what do you know? Some hair got fried in the OGM III Beauty Salon that night. All the while talking on the phone......

We grabbed some drinks on the square before going to eat. Grayson saw it fit to order 18 beers and a bong. We didn't stay long enough to see the beers get finished before we went to an awesome sushi restaurant. They made reservations and everything. The fish was so fresh; I do think it might be the best sushi I've ever eaten. Even the saki was so smooth. The last time I had saki was in Las Vegas. The boys were checking out the top heavy chicks. Dinner was fabulous as was the night out on the town. My drink of choice for the night was vodka and cranberry. Drew showed me an awesome time of course, and I will remember it for a long time. At the end of the night he found Grayson asleep in the laundry room, his crash spot of choice.